The Mary sue of Halloween
by WhirlOfDestruction
Summary: After Halloween town is completely disrupted by the arrival of a new resident, A certain Miss Mary-sue, Sally makes unlikely allies of Lock Shock and Barrel, who vow to restore Halloween town back to it's old, spooky, non-rainbow, chocolate-river free ways.
1. The new resident

**The dreaded Mary sues- a jokefiction**

**We've all tried to make OCS. Even if they never get actually put onto the face of the internet, you've wondered. But occasionally they do get out, and more often than not, far from being well thought-out characters they sometimes turn into dreaded MARY-SUES, THE EVIL BEINGS. And often in nightmare before Christmas fanfics, they sadly pair off with Jack. Jack belongs with Sally. Fact. And nobody can tear him apart with a Mary sue. So I got very annoyed and wrote this. It might be sort of lame, but I never intended THIS to be serious :( **

The town hall was brimming. Everyone was gathered around for a new town meeting. Jack stood at his podium. In the front row seat sat sally. She smiled at jack. Jack beamed warmly back. Jack always was filled with happiness whenever he looked at Sally. After all, they were in…you know…love…they hadn't got married yet, but it was at that stage when the townspeople started gossiping like crazy whenever they went out in public together. In case Jack got down on one knee and asked sally to spend the rest of her frickin' immortal life with him. The mayor had secretly made up several possible extravagant wedding plans, but didn't share them thanks to his severe insecurity issues.

The rest of the town was gathered too. Even Lock Shock and Barrel. And they hated the meetings. Always the same 'Now, THIS year for Halloween…' etc. etc. until they died twice from boredom. But the topic this time was about something different. A new resident was coming to Halloween town. They weren't even sure if that was possible. After all, they could remember zilch about how they got in. All they could remember is that they were _there. _Sally was definitely sewn to life, and Jack himself had quoted one day that 'Aah, a good guillotine. Just like the one I had when I was a boy' which implied his bones had all been shorter once.

The town still chattered. Various questions such as "Is it a boy or a girl or an it?" from the hanging tree, were followed by random answers such as "Might not have a gender. Might be so strange it's not even an _it." _from the tall witch. Other excited murmurs and whispers were spoken, until Jack leaned towards the microphone. The mayor gave him a ridiculously cheesy thumbs-up. Jack nodded and smiled again, looking at his beloved Sally. She grinned. "Ladies, gentlemen, and those who are neither…" the townspeople shut up. "I am here today to welcome a _new resident._"

The town boomed with appreciation. Jack waved them into quiet. "I haven't seen them myself, but I can assure you they will be as frightening and horrible as the rest of us! Now, may I please welcome…" Jack unrolled a messy scroll, and squinted at it. "May you give a warm welcome too…Mary Sue amethyst evergreen ruby Victoria angel Kaeli Seraphina Cridwyn loneheart Fantasia  
Mystique Destiny Astra Serendipity Chance Kismet Hope Faith charity beauty moonpie gugglebiz splendour lovealot silverlight!" he yelled, out of breath.

The town hall doors opened wide. The torches flickered to life. And there stood a woman. She was so damn sexy the males sat up. And all of the lesbians. And even the women who were straight. Jack's mouth was drawn open in shock. And also in lust. You could see it in his face. Sally could see it too. She looked back and forth between them. Not that there was anything wrong of course, Jack was obviously not expecting a woman this beautiful…No, of course nothing was wrong. What was she thinking?

The lady had a perfect figure that resembled a Barbie doll. Her chest was very big. It was practically bursting out of her clothes. She looked sexy enough to ensnare the pope. Her hair was a lovely blonde, with pink highlights. Her eyes were a beautiful violet. Her lips deep pink. She had butterfly wings. And she was also wearing lingerie. For some reason. Which was weird, because not even nymphomaniacs wear lingerie to a town meeting. Accompanying her was a green dragon, a misty white cat, a wolf, a Yorkshire terrier, a small troll, a pink ostrich, a unicorn, a tiger, and a dove.

"Who brought Noah's ark with her?" scoffed Lock, watching her strut. She walked down the aisle, and everyone stared at her. Some at her face, some at her pets, most at her body jiggling in the skimpy wear. Everyone seemed transfixed by this lady. Sally didn't like it. She wasn't exactly jealous, she had a good body, it was made up of the finest corpses around, but still…this woman was far too stupid to be constructed by anyone. Except perhaps a rejected teenage girl. Those types of people wreaked havoc on their own characters. Mary sue was standing in front of Jack, smiling broadly. Sally noticed with a hint of annoyance, that her teeth were perfectly straight. Honestly, did this girl have ANY visible faults? Maybe the whole fact she seemed wimpy and pathetic was enough. She certainly came across that way. Jack bowed when the guest got to him.

"Welcome Mary Sue amethyst evergreen ruby Victoria angel Kaeli Seraphina Cridwyn loneheart Fantasia Mystique Destiny Astra Serendipity Chance Kismet Hope Faith charity beauty moonpie gugglebiz splendour lovealot silverlight!" he breathed. She giggled. A lovely, high trill laugh.

"O plz! Jst calz me mary su!" she replied.

"pardon?" asked Jack.

"U jst calz meh Mary su jakki boi!" she answered, slapping him lightly on the shoulder.

"Is she speaking English?" whispered Barrel to his crew. They shook their heads.

Sally stood up, walking over to the guest. "So, are you becoming a permanent resident in Halloween town, or just visiting?" she asked lightly, keeping her voice on an even level.

"Welz I wus mde an orfan wen mai pearants dyid cos dey wer kild by da evil warlord."

"Okay." answered Sally, clenching her fists to stop her throwing a dictionary at her face.

"so I miht b styin here 4 a whil. Iz not sure." She carried on, still idiotically smiling.

"Well then, let's make your stay as comfortable as possible!" cheered Jack, taking Mary sue by the hand. He kissed it lightly, in that gesture gentlemen do for ladies. Sally looked like she was about to throw up. "You shall stay at my house!" said Jack grandly.

"At OUR house?" asked Sally

"At JACK'S house?" asked the town residents

"At a HOUSE?" yelled Lock Shock and Barrel.

The town hall buzzed to life. Whilst Lock Shock and Barrel laughed at the stupidity of Jack, the residents started complaints, such as 'But you said MY house would keep them!' 'The pumpkin king's house isn't allowed casual visitors!' and 'But you share a house with Sally!"

"Yes, the witches are right. I DO share a house with you." Said Sally irritably, turning to Jack. Jack looked back and forth with Sally and Mary Sue. "Aaah yes…in view of the circumstances…and the arrangements…I'm sure you respect the decision Sally…"

"You are kicking me OUT?" she half-shouted. There was an awkward silence.

"Thnk u jak, u r so nise an hlpful." Replied Mary Sue.

"OH SHUT IT!" screamed Sally, storming out, tears in her eyes.


	2. Allies?

**Wow! Thank you to all who reviewed and followed :oD Gonna get down and write the next chapter!**

Sally sat on spiral hill. She was crying an awful lot. So that was it was it? Jack had kicked her out just because of some pretty bimbo? Maybe he hadn't technically dumped her, but when your long-term boyfriend moves you out of the house for a desperately hot girl, then you know something's up. It wasn't jealousy she felt; it was more anger that everyone just completely bulldozed away their lives for this girl. And she had only been here what, like, ten minutes? She folded her arms crossly and stared at the direction of the hinterlands.

Then from a nearby gravestone, came the chorus of "Trick or treat!" Sally stood up as Lock Shock and Barrel came sprinting out. She glared at them. What did THEY want? She was always suspicious of the ex-boogie's boys. "Relax, we aren't here to kill you!" assured Shock with a wave of her hand.

"We're here to escape as well." added Lock, nodding knowingly.

"You are?" blinked Sally in surprise

"From the annoying Mary sue!" squealed Barrel, making a face.

Sally sighed with relief. But also with sadness. "Why don't you sit down?" she mumbled emotionlessly. They did. "She's a complete idiot." noted Lock, staring into space.

"What, the Mary-sue or me or Sally?" asked Shock

"All of you." replied Lock. Shock hit him on the head. Barrel sat between them to stop them. The only thing that did was that they now hit Barrel as well.

"So, how come you three aren't completely transfixed by the new temptress?" asked Sally curiously, watching the squabbling children. They stopped fighting for just a second. "I suppose …" began Shock

"It's because…" added Lock

"We're little!" finished Barrel.

"Think about it, unlike other strange fan fiction writers assume, we haven't yet got to puberty." explained Shock

"And we might not ever." instructed Lock.

"Why would we have any interest in a GIRL?" asked Barrel.

Sally nodded. Their theory made sense. "Aahh, but what about the other young kids at the town hall? Like the corpse kid and the mummy?" she probed curiously. The three shrugged.

"I guess that proves they're stupid." answered Lock simply.

"I guess so. I still haven't got any place to live." Sally sulked.

"Don't be such a desperate doll. You can stay at our house." stated Shock. Sally thanked her. There was more silence. "What does anyone see in her?" Sally wondered aloud.

"Oh don't start that." complained Shock. "If you just complain, we won't get anything done." She snapped. Sally widened her eyes. "Yes. I guess so. But what ARE we going to do?"

"We're going to get your boyfriend back!" cried Barrel happily.

"And we're going to push that little tart out of Halloween town!" yelled Lock.

Sally nodded approvingly. She got up, and along with Lock Shock and Barrel, walked away as allies.


	3. Meanwhile, in town

**I do keep writing chapters, I do, I do)**

"Oh Mary sue, I am madly in love with you. Please will you marry me?" said the Mayor, bending down on one knee.

"Soz maor, Iz canot. I iz gon liv 4eva. We carnot b togever." She cried.

The mayor broke down in tears and ran to spiral hill, where he promptly jumped off it. A nasty _cracckkk _was heard when his bones hit the ground.

"Oh Mary sue, you are the most beautiful girl in the world. Please will you accept this token of my love?" asked one of the vampire brothers, holding a flask of blood. He evidently had jostled the rest of his brothers out of the way to get this honour, as they were all lying in a crowded heap on the floor. Mary sue fizzled his hand to bits, using her super-strength magic powers.

"Ewww! U is leik totes disscustin!" she exclaimed. "U ppl r sik!"

"We are Halloween folk, my dear." said Jack, stealthily putting his hand round her waist. She commanded her tiger to bite it off, which he did. Jack melted a little inside. _Her tiger bit my hand off! _He swooned, clutching his (now disembodied) skeleton hand religiously.

"Dat's it! U ppl r gonna hav a maykova!" she yelled, waving her arms like a demented windmill. She stretched her lingeried- up leg out sexily (except she didn't know she was doing it of course, because she was so naturally hot duh) and started crying, where she toppled to the ground.

"My darling! I'll save you!" cried Jack, swinging down and catching her before she properly fainted.

"O Jak! U savd mi! I luv woo!" she whispered, hugging him with one leg wrapped around him. Jack certainly looked like he enjoyed it. They began passionately kissing, and Mary Sue lifted off her panties and….

"Shut up narrator! This is not an M rated fanfic!" yelled the short witch, pointing suspiciously at the sky.

"Who are you talking to?" asked Jack, who was lying on the ground…for some STRANGE reason I'm not allowed to mention. The witch shrugged. Jack turned back to Mary Sue. "Well Mary, our only desire is to please you." He stated. The rest of the town cheered, and held her up in the air. Because she was their queen. Their goddess. "O, u guyz r 2 nize!" she chattered. And then everybody cheered and grinned and vomited rainbows.

So, the town set to work with their 'maykova' and started redecorating.

"Pt dat pik tri dere" she shouted, gesturing over to the hanging tree. A few of the vampires proceeded to paint the hanging tree pink, and applying lipstick to the hanging men. Or rather, hanging transvestites. The town fired up, alive with energy, painting every single thing pink and rainbow-ish. The town hall? Now had brilliant TURQUOISE drapes. The fountain in the centre of town? Well, that was now filled with chocolate. The town worked for hours, until every single thing of Halloween was pink, fluffy and adorable. I really cannot stress that enough.

"an nw we iz gona du halowen MA wai!" she giggled.

"Hip hip hooray for Mary Sue!" hailed the town residents.

"Firs of, no scarin." She stated.

"Oh Mary Sue, I love you so much I shall do whatever you command." Vowed Jack.

"yeh. Anwais, we iz gona av a nise halowen!" she ordered, hands on hips in that erocativley sexy way.

And so town went to work completely rewriting Halloween.


	4. Kidnap the Marysue

**(Hooray, there's a song in this chapter!)**

The four wandered over to the tree house. Lock Shock and Barrel pushed Sally in first, then all squeezed into the pulley cage lift. "I'm squished." complained Barrel.

"Then lose some weight." was Shock's reply. The cage started to draw up, painfully slowly. It rattled for a long time. "I think a snail could go faster than this cage." sniffed Lock, tapping the top of it with his fist. Shock glared at him. **"**Well, can snails float? No. Shut up." She snapped.

"But this cage isn't floating, it's being pulled up by a piece of string." pointed out Lock. Shock looked annoyed. "You know what I mean." She spat.

"No I don't, you're talking complete nonsense." replied Lock with a grin. Shock gave him a glare that could've frozen the toes of a polar bear.

"Is this how things usually are?" asked Sally to Barrel, who was huddled up uncomfortably close to her. "No." he answered. Sally sighed with relief. "This isn't normal, usually they're hitting each other by now." added Barrel. Sally sighed, but not with relief this time. She hadn't said anything because she didn't want to offend the trio since a) she was in their house b) they outnumbered her c) they had dangerous ammo and d) she was their new ally…which was possibly the most random thing anyone could've done. And she had to put up with them if she wanted her boyfriend back. But then again, it was true she loved Jack, but did she really want a boyfriend that went gallivanting off after some bimbo? The answer was mixed.

"Do you think I SHOULD take Jack back?" she said aloud to nobody in particular. The trio shrugged. "Don't ask us, we're not experts on love." advised Shock. "Lock may have a plunger, but that doesn't necessarily mean he does anything with it."

"Just WHAT are you saying?" sneered Lock. Shock looked smug. Sally cleared her throat.

"So, what are we going to do about the new girl?" she steered, trying to get the subject off Lock's potential activities with a plunger. The trio looked at each other, then started giggled maniacally. The lift trundled to a stop, and they walked out. The inside of the tree house was more broken than the outside. Even the slime man's home was nicer than this, and he lived in a sewer. The three started humming (Turn on kidnap the sandy claws backing track NOW) Sally looked at them in an 'oh-god-no' kind of way. If they started singing demented songs again, she would have to…

**Lock shock and Barrel**

_Kidnap the stupid Mary-sue?_

("oh dammit, now I won't be able to shut them up." Thought Sally)

**Lock**

_Humiliate her!_

**Barrel**

_Yeah, let's do!_

**Shock**

_Get jack and Sally back together!_

**Barrel**

_Leave 'em behind!_

**Lock**

_Be good never!_

**Lock shock and Barrel**

_NOW AND FOREVER! _

_! Kidnap the Mary-Sue, get her off the stage, sue the fanfic writer and put her off the page! _

**Shock**

_I'll decide! Let's have a think, _

_Oh yes! We'll get a poisoned drink,_

_When she comes a-giggling_

_It'll turn her whole face, hair, bright pink!_

**Lock**

_Wait, I've got a better plan, _

_She'll like that, don't you understand?_

_If we get rid of all her fans_

_Then we will have the upper hand!_

**Lock Shock and Barrel**

_Kidnap the Mary-Sue, _

_we so love her- NOT!_

_Stories like that have no purpose _

_or a real plot!_

**Shock**

_Sally and her boyfriend Jack…_

_**(dadaum dadum da da DA!)**_

**Lock**

_Will be so pleased they'll want us back!_

_**(dadaum dadum da da DA!)**_

**Barrel**

_They'll let us in with lovely thanks!_

_**(dadaum dadum da da DA!)**_

**Lock Shock and Barrel**

_AND THEN WE CAN PULL PRANKS! WHEEE!_

(The three ran around Sally chanting. She didn't look impressed)

**Lock**

_I say that we take a cannon_

_Aim it at the author's street_

_Light the fuse and when it blows up_

_THEIR STORY WILL NEVER BE COMPLETE!_

**Shock**

_You're an idiot! Think now!_

_Your head is not thinking right_

_How could we go get the author?_

_When we're just characters on this site!_

**Lock Shock and Barrel**

_Kidnap the Mary-sue _

_Wipe off her make-up_

_Show her real face to Jack, _

_See if they'll break up!_

**Lock and Shock**

_We don't distort the characters with our sick fantasies_

_You think your story gets reviews? Oh, my god no, Please!_

Lock made a very crude gesture with his plunger.

**Barrel**

_The fandom praises our success!_

**Lock**

_And they'll be happy to I bet!_

**Shock **

_Perhaps they'll join our protest mob!_

**Lock Shock and Barrel**

_And shut this bimbo's gob!_

_YEAH!_

_We're fans of good literature _

_We tell you, this ain't it,_

_We hope they will start to improve,_

'_cos what they're writings s- _

"Children! That's not the kind of language we use!" scolded Sally, who knew what they were about to say.

**Shock**

'Cos this moron's really dumb!

**Barrel**

_Stab her with knives!_

**Lock**

_No, use a gun! _

**Shock**

_Boring!_

**Lock**

_Shut up!_

**Shock**

_I've got something real good,_

_This one's perfect, listen in,_

_We'll send her presents in a bag _

_(Swiped from the witches' dustbin) _

_And in the box we will put clothes,_

_Until her curiosity, entices her to try then on_

**Lock Shock and Barrel**

_Which then will burn off all her skin! _

_Kidnap the Mary-sue,_

_Use her to practise aim, _

_Put her with a Barbie_

_('Cos she looks quite the same) _

_Kidnap the Mary-sue_

_Rip her plastic wings!_

_Put her up with scorpions_

_That will make us Sing! (and sting!)_

There was a slightly awkward silence as Sally did not know what to make of it all. But she clapped. "Well done! Very well done!" she praised, gritting her teeth a little so they wouldn't see her choking. "So, are we going to do any of the plans you said?" she asked.

"Nah." Replied the trio.

"I mean, last time we planned in great detail how we were going to capture Sandy claws." explained Lock.

"But in the end we just shoved him in a sack." finished Shock.

Sally nodded. "So, is that all that we're going to do this time?"

"Oh no, now we have a choice. And it doesn't involve any of our demented lyrics." answered Shock.

"We could go demand the author that they stop it immediately, but that would involve breaking some kind of imaginary fourth wall." Suggested Sally.

"we could. But trust me; you don't want to get up with fan fic righters. They go all cutesy and on those occasions try to kidnap us." added Lock.

"Right. Or of course, we could trek on and see if this girl has a dark secret. That would humiliate her." said Shock.

**So vivid readers, what do YOU imagine? It's all up to you. Frankly, I can't choose, so this is now a chose-your-own-adventure fic. **


	5. Christmas town

_This is Halloween_

_This is Halloween_

_Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! Halloween!_

_In this town, we call home, everyone hail to the sugarplum song!_

_Lalalalalalalalalalallllalal alal! Wheeeeeee!_

Sang the townspeople, stepping in synchronised ballet movements. The girls were wearing tutus and the boys were wearing those tight suspenders that male dancers wear that makes them look ever-so-slightly camp. It wasn't helped by the fact that their costumes were bright pink with neat bows.

"Oh my dear, dear, Mary" inquired Jack "Is your colour palette only limited to pink?" he asked innocently. Mary started to cry. "O Jak! I thort we had sumfin spesal!" she exclaimed loudly.

"I guez im on mai own now arnt i? Jak haz abanddoed mey!" she screamed loudly, collapsing to the floor in anguish and agony.

"My dear, dear Mary! I said nothing of the sort!" apologised Jack "I'm sorry if I offended you! I did not mean it to be a rude question!" he sobbed, falling to the ground. Mary sue stood up immediately, all tears magically gone. "Our Luv canot b!" she said defiantly. "It is 4bids!" she sniffled.

"Forbidden?" inquired Jack.

"4BIDS!" she yelled.

"But I love you so much!" he cried.

"I no!" she replied tearfully.

"What, 'no' as in the negative response or 'know' as in your knowledge?" asked Jack.

"Jst gt out!" she screamed. Jack walked away, head hung down.

The town was still practising their revised Halloween dance. Except it would've looked more in place in fairyland. In the shadows, next to the town hall, were Lock Shock and Barrel, along with Sally, observing what was happening with the town.

"It looks like a set from 'My little pony: friendship is magic'" noted Lock, staring with disgust at the newly pink town. The others nodded in agreement.

"Disgusting!" spat Shock

"Icky!" sniffed Barrel

"UN-HALLOWEENISH!" chorused the four of them.

Sally rose up. The three stayed in the shadows. They didn't want to be seen, and if Sally was just going to let herself be noticed, then they would let her. Sally watched jack walk sadly away from Mary sue. She didn't care if Jack had let her go, but she still cared about him.

"Jack, are you alright?" she asked daintily.

Jack turned to face her. "Oh Sally, I'm so sorry!" he sniffled.

"You are?" she asked, hardly daring to believe Jack was about to apologise.

"Yes I am! You were late for the auditions! The head of the sugarplum dance was taken by the mayor!" he wailed. Sally rolled her eyes. Of course, dumping your girlfriend like that is NOTHING is it?

"I'm going to see some of the other holiday leaders. They'll know what to do." Said Jack sadly, walking away. Sally started following him, as did Lock, Shock and Barrel, with a chorus of 'We'll come with you!'

"Ummm…I'd rather not you three…the other holiday leaders won't exactly be happy to see y…"

"YAY! We're off to the hinterlands! We're off to the hinterlands!" chanted the trio, running around in circles. Jack sighed. Once they started chanting, they didn't stop. The five of them walked off towards spiral hill.

"Well, here we are." Stated Jack wearily, walking up to the hinterlands. Upon hearing no annoying evil giggles, he turned around. "Hey, where did Lock Shock and Barrel go?" he asked suspiciously. Sally shrugged. "NO idea."

Jack banished the thoughts. He didn't exactly want to think about what they would do if they were set free. His mind was far too preoccupied. "I'm going to see sandy." He said, climbing through the Christmas door. Sally followed.

The usual tumble-down happened when one tries to get into Christmas land. They landed (none too softly) into the snow, and dusted themselves off. Jack headed straight for Sandy's house. Sally was annoyed at jack wandering off without her. He'd changed. Dratted Mary Sue. Sally would've liked to poison HER soup.

Jack knocked on the door with a _clickety clack_ of his bony fingers. "Who is it? Err…Hello Jack…" greeted sandy, looking at Jack with more than a little disappointment. Jack didn't notice.

"Aaah Sandy, you are familiar with the concept of love aren't you?" pleased Jack.

"Well I er…I suppose ummm…I like to THINK so…" he stammered. "Christmas is a time for joy after all…"

"Fascinating." Waved away Jack. "Anyway, I'm having some problems in a relationship."

"Oh, are you two?" started Sandy, gesturing to Sally and Jack. Sally's heart leapt a little. Was this about her and Jack getting their relationship back? Is that why Jack brung her here? Of course, if some stupid floozy was going to ruin it that easily…

"No no, it's not about us." Jack replied. Sally's heart sank to the bottom of the ocean and didn't stop until it was at the centre of the earth. Then of course it was stopped by all the gravity, and luckily couldn't go any further.

"It's a new lovely girl I've met. She's perfect." Sighed Jack lustfully. Sally made a sexual gesture with her hands at Sandy Claws to indicate exactly how Jack felt about his new love.

"Aaah…I see…" said Sandy, more to Sally than Jack. "Well, what happened to you and her Jack?" he pried. "Why aren't you in a relationship?"

"We've moved on." Replied Jack nonchalantly.

"You've moved on." corrected Sally. Jack didn't hear.

"The point is, this girl has shoved me aside, and I need to win her favour!" cried Jack dramatically. Sandy did not look impressed.

"I'm not surprised." He answered curtly.

"Wait, what?" stopped Jack.

"You heard me. You had a relationship with Sally that seemed to be good enough."

"Look, I was with Sally yes, but then this sexy amazing beautiful gorgeous dreamy amazing fabulous awesome cool pretty stunning elegant attractive striking Good-looking dazzling magnificent adorable exquisite divine sweet wonderful cute loveable delightful endearing charming hot woman came into my life. She was so beautiful I knew she was the one for me." Sighed Jack, almost rhythmically.

"Well, that explains it all. You can use all the vocabulary you want, but I think that speaks for itself."

"I hoped it did, I used quite a lot of adjectives."

"Not the describing words! People who dump their lovers just to get with the next new hot flesh in town deserve to be shunned! I hope Sally doesn't want you back, because I think you had a pretty good life going on as it was together, but if you're going to mistreat her, then I have nothing more to say! Goodnight!" Sandy stormed.

"Sandy, wait!" cried Jack. He stuck his foot in the door just as Sandy slammed it.

"OW! Seriously, Sally doesn't mind!" yelled Jack. He turned around to confirm with Sally, but she was gone. The minute he was distracted, sandy kicked his foot away and slammed with all his might. The door rattled shut, and Jack was left alone.

"Sandy?" he called meekly. No answer.

"Sally?" he whispered weakly. No answer.

"Elf thingies?" he said nervously. No answer. The only sound was a faint rustle of bells. He sighed and walked in the snow, his feet making a gentle 'pat' as he went.


	6. The grand finale

**The awkward moment when this becomes a soap-opera. The final finale is in this chapter! Yay! Thanks to all of you who have stuck and followed and reviewed the whole way through! I enjoyed poking fun at these obscene atrocities. **

Jack walked in silence through the graveyard. He was back in Halloween town, but it didn't feel like home. Almost as much before the whole lets-take-over-Christmas incident happened. Was it true, everything that Sandy had said? It didn't feel right to Jack, but then again, Sandy hadn't seen this gorgeous sexy beast that deserved to be with him. Sally didn't mind of course. Didn't she? Come to think of it, he didn't actually know. Come to think of it, he had just assumed.

Come to think of it, he was obviously right. Why wouldn't she be fine with it? It wasn't like she hated Mary-sue right? Mary-Sue was just so damn ENTICING. She was that girl you'd sell your soul for; she was the girl that was loved by everyone. He couldn't see why Sandy would shun him. He sighed sadly and sat down on spiral hill. Then he sighed again since this was where Sally and he got together. He clasped his head in his hands and rolled over. Sadly this merely dropped him onto the ground with a loud _scrunch! _

"Oh, hello Mayor." Said Jack, noticing the Mayor, who was somehow lying beside him.

"Any particular reason why you're sitting here?" he asked. Jack seriously hoped the mayor wasn't trying to seduce him. He already had an annoying love triangle circling him; he didn't need a love square.

"Oh, if you remember, I jumped off the hill when Mary-sue rejected my proposal." He replied.

"But you were head of the sugar-plum dance in the last chapter."

"Yes, I was."

"So how come you're still here now?"

"Because I jumped off."

"That doesn't make any sense." Jack replied curtly. "Anyway, have you seen Mary-Sue? I need to talk things out with her." He said. Mayor shrugged.

"You'll have a lot of competition." added the mayor.

"Thanks for nothing, you needy little moron." answered Jack, stepping on the mayor as he went by. He grinned a little. He had always wanted to do that. The mayor just made a stupid _oof _sound.

Jack continued into the main stretch of Halloween town. It didn't really look like Halloween town. Everything was pink. And fluffy. And gooey. How _Delightful!_

He spotted Mary-sue, wearing an elegant but revealing dress, sitting on the edge of the (now chocolate) fountain in the town square. She was gossiping excitedly with the town inhabitants and the various animals that accompanied her (who she could speak to and understand OBVS), who were all looking at her with drippy expressions.

"Aaah, Miss Mary Sue amethyst evergreen ruby Victoria angel Kaeli Seraphina Cridwyn loneheart Fantasia Mystique Destiny Astra Serendipity Chance Kismet Hope Faith charity beauty moonpie gugglebiz splendour lovealot Silverlight! I was hoping I could talk to you." Breathed Jack. Mary-sue put her finger on his lips. "anytin Jak." She whispered.

She blinked her pretty little eyes. They were beautiful eyes. All whimsical and pretty…And she was pretty too…the prettiest person in the whole world…

"Mary-sue, will you marry me?"

_DAMMIT!_

"Yeh Jak! i wl!" she cried. "I luv woo wid al my hert!" she screamed in joy.

Jack just smiled. Of course Sally wouldn't mind, of course they would all be fine…Mary was the one he wanted, she, who was sop talented and beautiful and had a tragic past… "I love you too." He replied.

The townspeople all cheered and started singing again

_Boys and girls of the fan-fiction _

_Have a happy ending, the story's done,_

_Jack has got his love machine,_

_In this town of Halloween_

Jack got down on one knee and pulled out a ring. (Which incidentally he had been saving for sally.)

"Wut?" cried Mary-sue, overhearing that comment about the Sally thing.

"I'm going to love you forever my dear." replied Jack. They passionately kissed, and Jack tugged her towards the town hall. "We'll get married now! This instant!" He cried happily. The two skipped off and the town followed. The witches prepared a cake. Then Mary-sue handled the decorating, cake making, and even crafted all the sculptures since she was so good at that and everything.

They had the party first, and Mary-sue sang a beautiful ballad about when she lost her parents to the evil warlord guy she mentioned in chapter one. She sang in her stunning breath-taking voice, and then she danced. She was the best dancer, and blew away all the competition.

"My dear, did you have dancing lessons?" asked Jack, amazed by all the flips and swirls that only professional dancers manage to do.

"no lol I tawt miself." She replied.

And so they got married just like that *snap*. The ceremony was held by the head vampire brother, who conducted it in chat speak in honour of Mary Sue.

"an If ani1 c y theze 2 shood not gt marid speek now."

"NOT SO FAST!" screeched Sally, Lock, Shock and Barrel, who came bursting in through the doors in their bathtub. There was a trick-or-treating sack in the tub.

"Oh sally, I'm so sorry!" sobbed Jack.

"You are?" she inquired.

"Yes! You missed it! You were supposed to be maid of honour!" he wailed.

Sally slapped him. "Jack, you are acting completely out of character!"

"I am?"

"Yes! Why on earth wouldn't you stay with me?" she yelled, glaring at him.

"I… don't… know…" he admitted slowly.

"Were we unhappy?" she demanded.

"No."

"Did you find me attractive?" she asked, with a piercing glare that told Jack that whatever he said would be the wrong answer.

"Yes, I did." He admitted.

"So WHY did this happen?" she demanded.

"Someone has an over-active imagination?" he grinned nervously.

Sally's look was sharper than Sandy's.

"Okay Okay, but she's just so beautiful and talented! And she has a tragic past that's tragic!" he stammered, waiting for Sally to slap him again. To her surprise, she smirked.

"I'm glad you mentioned that. See, Boogie's boys…"

"Sally's sidekicks." Corrected Lock Shock and Barrel.

"You got them to RENAME themselves?!" exclaimed Jack.

"I was nice to them and made them lollipops. Anyway, we have a little visitor here to see you…" she grinned. "Bring him out guys."

Lock Shock and Barrel opened up the trick-or-treating sack. A small man with a long purple fringe and blonde cut short hair at the back with baby blue eyes, bulging muscles, pink lipstick, eye shadow, little fairy wings, a tight neon purple corset and a red glossy miniskirt popped out.

"Why, hello!" he lisped.

"May" said shock

"We" said Lock

"Present" said Barrel

"Cupid!" finished Sally.

"That's cupid? Head of…valentine-ville?" asked Jack in awe.

"Yes, cupid- the father of Mary Sue!" exclaimed Sally in triumph.

"What?!" shouted Jack.

"Oh hey baby girl!" squealed Cupid in excitement. He ran over to his daughter and hugged her. She smiled sheepishly. For some reason she didn't look that sexy anymore. In fact, since she was basically in her underwear, she looked a bit like a tramp.

"Is this true Mary? I thought your parents were killed by 'da evil worlord'?" inquired Jack. Mary sighed.

"Okay, that wasn't true. I did that to gain your sympathy and make me seem more tragic." She replied. The whole town drew back in shock.

"She is speaking in tongues!" rasped the youngest vampire.

"I'm speaking English." She replied sadly.

Her facial features seemed to be receding. Her hair grew shorter and browner, until it became a dirty blonde colour. Her face fatted out a little more. Her body followed suit. Rather respectably, her lingerie-like suit turned into a plain dress. The various animals that accompanied her vanished into thin air. Her wings flattened out a bit more.

"This is…err..me." she replied.

The whole town drew back even more. "I know I'm ugly." She said flatly, staring at the ground.

"To be honest, I think I prefer you this way." Mused Jack randomly, staring at her. "You look…normal."

"Really?"

"Really." He assured her.

Cupid looked at her and tutted, amused. "Silly baby, you've been playing with the valentine crystal haven't you?" he asked rhetorically, taking a small blue crystal Mary was holding in her hand.

"What's that?" asked Sally suspiciously.

"It's a crystal girlie. It holds magic powers. Can make anyone fall in love with you. It can make you any shape or form, yaknow? And blah di blah as soon as you know it, magical powers. It's a special aspect of valentine-ville." He instructed, winking at sally.

"That makes perfect sense." answered Sally curtly "In fact, that clears up any questions whatsoever in one neat package."

"So, what are you really?" asked Jack to Mary.

"I'm a reject who desperately wants to be popular and admired." she replied.

"That we can see." Chorused Lock Shock and Barrel.

"So, we can see that it isn't your fault is it? This entire pink and fluffing Halloween town up right?" asked Jack assuringly. Mary nodded sadly. Everyone began making sympathetic noises and vowing it wasn't her fault.

"I just…I just…I just wanted to make something of myself. And hey, in the middle of the town of lowly losers I thought I couldn't go wrong." She grinned nervously.

"Lowly what?" snapped Jack.

"Well, you know…losers…since you…" Mary stopped. Everyone stopped being sympathetic. Everyone glared. Cupid tugged at his daughter's arm.

"I think we'd better go…" he trailed off. They started walking away slowly.

"KIDNAP THE MARY-SUE!" screamed Lock Shock and Barrel in anger. The rest of the town followed.

The only sound in the quiet night was the shrieking roar of enraged and livid monsters pounding after two angels in anger and insanity.

**The end**


	7. Epilogue a very sentimental ending

**This epilogue is mainly for clearing up the relationship between jack and sally, since it was beaten to a pulp and left to bleed to death during the course of this story. I've loved this story with all my might. Never before have I completed one properly! **

Sally and Jack walked hand in hand across spiral hill. It was a tradition for them to do this at touching moments. After the Mary Sue and the camp cupid had been driven out of Halloween town (Most of the townsfolk, especially lock shock and barrel, wanted to beat her to death, and attempted to sing a song about it, but were shushed by Jack) there seemed to be a perfect opportunity for a heart-to-heart. Sally wasn't actually that mad anymore. Whilst she was annoyed by Jack's antics, she did genuinely believe it wasn't his fault.

The two walked slowly. Jack looked like he was thinking very hard about something. Sally was gently smiling. She expected Jack to be a bit more vocal by now, he usually was. Maybe he was trying to put his feelings into words. That's probably why he was unusually silent, just trying to get the right way to say the three little words that meant his heart was-

"OH GOD SALLY, WHY AM I SUCH AN IMPULSIVE GIT?!" he cried unexpectedly. Being the scariest and king of Halloween, this frantic outburst was more than surprising. Sally felt like she'd been suddenly shocked by electrodes.

"My god Jack, if my heart hadn't already been taken out I think it would've exploded!" She exclaimed.

"Your heart's been taken out?" he questioned, puzzled.

"I gave to you as a Christmas present."

"Aah yes…right…how the heck are you even alive?"

"The hanging men can talk, and they don't have lungs."

"Okay…the point is, coming back to my earlier question, why am I so impulsive and idiotic?"

"That's not something I know the answer to. It's just the way you are Jack. I don't mind." She said, hugging him. She did mind a little bit, since he once tried to take over an entire holiday without thinking things through, and just got with a random one-dimensional temptress, but she wouldn't hold it against him. None of those things were really his fault.

"Sally, every time I've done something stupid you've tried to warn me. And I completely ignore you. I don't deserve you." He sniffled, holding her head in his hands. She just smiled at him.

"Yes Jack, but I know you think it's for the best. You wanted Christmas because you were bored, and you _thought _you could make a good job of it. You wanted Mary-sue because you thought she was worth it, you thought she was beautiful. Plus it was in fact your free-will enslaved to her crystal spell to make her look hot. I honestly don't blame you."

Jack was silent again. He looked down under spiral hill to check the mayor wasn't lying there, in case he broke down again.

"Yes, but it doesn't change things. If you still want me back, I pity you. I really do. You can go and marry someone nice and caring and loving. I'm a stupid reckless loser." Then he _harrumphed _angrily and looked crossly at the ground.

"Jack, I don't want anyone else. Who would I marry? The mayor?"

"If you really want to…"

"I don't want to marry the mayor!" she replied hastily. "Look, the point is that I forgive you. I. Do. Not. Blame. You." She jabbed the words one at a time. He recoiled from them as if they were poking him in the face with a red-hot iron.

"There's something you don't seem to be getting Jack. It wasn't actually you that was talking. It wasn't even you making those decisions. The reason you loved her was because she _made you._ I really can't stress that enough."

"You're sure? You really want me back, after all the calamity I caused?"

"Yes."

Jack breathed deeply. He felt very lucky. "Thank you sally. I think you were the most beautiful. You always will be to me." He said, hugging her close.

Whilst the camera zoomed out, the two kissed. Everything was back to normal.

**The actual ending. **


End file.
